Monday, July 7, 2014

Soccer It To Her, Boys

MoDo The Red cracks open another box of Franzia Sunset Blush and attacks her computer again, disgorging her latest incomprehensible paean to mediocrity, apparently something having to do with the US men's national team in the World Cup in Brazil.

AMERICA’S infatuation with the World Cup came at the perfect moment, illuminating the principle that you can lose and still advance.

Once our nation saw itself as the undefeatable cowboy John Wayne. Now we bask in the prowess of the unstoppable goalie Tim Howard, a biracial kid from New Jersey with Tourette’s syndrome.

With our swaggering and sanguine image deflated by epic unforced errors, Americans are playing defense, struggling to come to grips with a world where we can no longer dictate all the terms, win all the wars and lead all the charges.

“The Fourth of July was always a celebration of American exceptionalism,” said G.O.P. pollster Frank Luntz. “Now it’s a commiseration of American disappointment.”

From Katrina to Fallujah, we’re less the Shining City Upon a Hill than the House of Broken Toys.

Dowd goes on like this for another 1500 words or so, and I'll spare you all that, but apparently our inability to win World Cups is proof that America sucks now, when we used to just hate and laugh as soccer and didn't care about it at all.  Now, mushy Millennials are worried about hashtags and are too global and not MURICA enough or something and oh yeah, Obama sucks and it's his fault (there always has to be "Obama sucks" in these drunken outbursts) and maybe it was always like this.

Then she crawls back into the box of wine, and a nation is grateful for the point she stops writing her stream of unconsciousness.

Amazing, even for Dowd's normal drunken "AbFab" benders.

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